


The Silent Riot

by SnowyCrocus



Category: Frozen (2013)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 13:57:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17061071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnowyCrocus/pseuds/SnowyCrocus
Summary: Months after The Great Thaw, life seems pretty amazing. But not everyone in Arendelle is perfectly accepting of their Queen's abilities- and what will those close to Elsa do to see her through any suspicion?





	1. Chapter 1

Life, suddenly, seemed pretty darn good. Amazing, really.

The windows were open, the doors were open. The hushed whispers within the confines of the castle walls were gone, staff and visitors laughing and admiring the art, the architecture, the gardens and the view. There were occasional events held around the castle. Afternoon teas, dinners with foreigners and Arendellians alike.

Anna was happy. So very, very happy. She was no longer alone, trapped within her home. She was free to come or go as she pleased, more or less, and eagerly met and spoke to anyone with whom she crossed paths. She knew so many townspeople by name now; asked after their spouses, children, took an interest in their lives. And they took an interest in hers as well.

She frequently ventured down to the fjords, gazing over the water and exploring the grassy areas between them. She fed the ducks around the lakes, took hikes, and even got Kristoff to put up swings in a tree in the gardens so they could swing together.

Speaking of Kristoff…she had found the love of her life. True love. She knew it for what it was, this time. It was so different, how she felt, than she had with Hans. But even so, she was going to take this one slowly. No use in speeding up something so good. It had only been three months, anyway, since they had met.

He was…different. She had never expected to fall in love with someone like him. He was tall, yes, but not dark or classically handsome. Instead, though, she had fallen in love with his kindness. She loved the way he was always looking out for her, catching her when she tripped over nothing or pulling her back from falling off the dock. She loved the warmth in his eyes, the feel of the calluses on his hands over her skin. The crook of his smile and his big nose that felt funny in her face when they kissed. He made her feel safe and loved.

She also saw that he wanted to make Elsa feel that way, though in a different way than Anna, of course. Anna saw how he glanced over at Elsa to see how she handled it when news was brought in suddenly. She saw the crease in his forehead that he got when he saw her sister rushing from breakfast with books in her arms, or even just to see her visible delight, after he looked at Anna, when there was triple chocolate cake for dessert. Anna knew that he cared deeply for both of them, and loved that they felt so much like a family. So yes, life did seem pretty amazing. For many reasons, but especially because, for the first time in forever, Elsa was truly, genuinely, family to Anna.

Anna knew that Elsa was feeling so much happier. Like there was actually something worth living for. She smiled now, frequently. Anna loved seeing her sister’s teeth, as odd as that seemed. The just-barely visible crookedness of her grin, the slight overlapping of teeth. It meant that it was a genuine smile, or that she was freely laughing and not holding back. It meant she was being Elsa, and not The Queen. Anna closed her eyes and smiled, imaging the feel of Elsa’s arms wrapped around her in a hug. Elsa didn’t initiate them, but would kind of hold out her arms in a funny way, as if asking for permission for one. Anna laughed thinking of it. She would always jump into the outstretched arms, and Elsa’s would close around her tight, squeezing, as if afraid she would leave her. They even held hands occasionally. Anna loved feeling her sister’s cool palm in hers, fingers grasping hers securely.

The sisters were often seen together now.  They met up for a meal at least a couple times a week. On occasion the two would read together or ride their old tandem bike through an abandoned hallway. If she had time at night, Elsa would come in to Anna’s room to brush out her hair before bed.  That was Anna’s favorite new ritual. And even though Elsa was most commonly found in her bedroom, her study or the library, she still came and went as needed around the entire castle. And she never locked any doors. Physical ones, anyway.

But after only three months, everything that was so new to Elsa brought stress and difficulties along with the good.

First was the threat of interacting with so, so many people. Advisors, dignitaries, councilmen, townspeople, staff…the list went on and on. What should she say? What was the right thing to say? What did all these people want, _need_ to hear? _What was the proper social convention? Was she reacting, responding the correct way?_ What did they think of her?

She could never tell what was right based on people’s reactions. She felt her heart twisting in anticipation in her chest when someone approached her. _Steady your breathing_ , she’d tell herself. _Just think things through. Don’t overthink it. They’re not going to hurt you._

But what if _she_ hurt _them?_

Her powers vastly in her control now; an accidental release that would cause harm was further back in the recesses of her mind than it had ever been. Yet the threat still remained. What if a disagreement became too heated during a political meeting? What if a visiting dignitary wouldn’t agree to reasonable terms, insulted her culture, her country, her people? What if someone happened to startle her just by simply dropping a tray?

Not only did the worries of social interaction eat away at her, the more tangible obligations of her work yielded their own physical effects.

So many things had to be done. Meetings, planning, advisements, updates, speeches, correspondence, research, studying. It was never-ending. There were never-shrinking, only-growing piles of books and ledgers all over her desks, tables and bed. Eternal ink stains upon her now-exposed fingers, echoing of arguments over policies and laws in her ears even when she tried to sleep. Shaded, blue-black half-moons under her eyes most days-some days barely visible, some days much darker. Frequented now by tension behind her eyes and a throbbing underneath her temples, many came to recognize her cooled hand placed to her forehead or iced fingers rubbing circles above her ears as a regular sight.

As much as Anna saw the positive changes in her sister- acceptance of hugs and light touches, wide smiles and physical presence around the castle, she wasn’t blind to the darker edges around Elsa, as some would think.  Though she didn’t always act on or vocalize them, she _did_ see the stresses brought on Elsa and her inner struggles in dealing with them. She knew that her sister was better. That she was working so, _so_ hard to overcome the scars of her past thirteen years and show, even embody, warmth, grace and contentment. But Anna knew that some scars could never heal completely, and accepted that. At least for now, while the scabs were still fresh. So she tried to do what she could to make the transition easier for her sister.

Which is why, when Kai rapped lightly on her door one early afternoon, Anna made a decision that she hoped would give way to a lessening of anxiety on Elsa’s part, and not the opposite.

“Princess?” Kai called from behind her door.

She let him into her bedroom, where Kristoff sat perched on the corner of her bed. Anna’s hair was not yet braided, and though she was dressed, her shoes were off and her dress had yet to be tied in the back. Kai assumed she had just been getting ready for the day.

Anna’s forehead creased with worry. It was unusual for Kai to sound so…unsure of himself when calling for her. And he looked hesitant now, nervous. Kristoff noticed too, and rose from the bed to join Anna.

“Kai?” Anna asked. “Is…is something going on? What’s wrong?”

Kai heaved a heavy sigh, ran a hand over his thinning hair. He cleared his throat. “Nothing, princess. Nothing that cannot be handled. But, I…” he trailed off, growing red, as Anna and Kristoff exchanged nervous glances and waited for him to compose his thoughts. “I hope that I am not overstepping my bounds. I…I think that you will understand why I have come to you first.”

“Come to me first? What?” Anna asked again. She was frustrated now; her voice had an edge to it. “Kai, what’s going on? Just tell me.”

“Very well.” Kai cleared his throat once more. “I come to ask for your direction in a matter that has just been brought to my attention. I thought it best to bring it to you first before discussing a plan of action with the queen.” He took a breath. “There’s…there’s a small horde of people - farmers, that is, come a bit of a way from the south. They’re protesting now just outside the gates-”

“Wait, what?” Anna interrupted, confused. “Why are they protesting? Haven’t the guards taken care of it?” She stopped for a second, letting his previous words sink in. “Wait,” she started. “I don’t understand. Why _wouldn’t_ you bring this to Elsa first?”

Kai brought his hands together in front of him, as if to stop from moving them as he spoke. “I’m trying to explain, Princess. The group has suffered a rough harvest. Many of their crops have died, and there seems to have been some sort of pestilence that has spread through many of their fields.”

He looked at Anna and Kristoff to see if he still had their attention. They were looking at him intently, puzzled looks and anticipation clearly wrought across their faces. He continued.

“They…they are blaming the Queen for what has happened. They claim she has brought a curse upon their land with her magic-”

Anna gasped audibly, and even Kristoff’s eyes widened in shock, his hand coming up to rest supportively on Anna’s shoulder from behind her where he stood. Kai continued as the couple listened on in silence.

“-they are demanding an audience with her, as well as high recompense for the ‘damage and scourge’ which she called to their fields. It seems as though some want payment and for the curse to be removed, while others came carrying weapons, which, of course, we have removed from their persons.”

Kai paused, while Anna and Kristoff remained quiet to let his words sink in. After a moment, Anna spoke first, her lips turned in a frown while her eyes darkened in fear and worry.

“So that’s why you came to me first…” she trailed off, her voice nearly a whisper. Her eyebrows were low right over her eyes in thought. She took a deep breath, bringing her arm up to clasp Kristoff’s hand resting on her shoulder. Their joined hands were brought down to their sides between them, and Kristoff twisted to look at her worriedly.

“Indeed, Princess,” Kai agreed. “There are many ways to handle this. But I thought it best to first speak with you, indecorous as it may be. I thought that the Queen might be…especially unsettled with the matter, and was wondering if there, ahem, perhaps was a way to…for her to not…” he couldn’t seem to find the correct words. What he was suggesting, it was- well, it was-

“For her to not know,” Anna finished for him. She sighed heavily. Her hair, frizzy and spread around her face and shoulders made her face seem shadowed, her eyes dark and contemplating. “You’re right,” she said. “She can’t know. We can’t let her find out. She won’t take it well. She’s got enough to handle right now.” She faced Kristoff, her fingers still wrapped in his. “But what do we do?”

Kristoff was unused to such matters- political, familial, emotional- whichever category one would place this one in. He couldn’t even begin to fathom the actions needed to be taken to appease the crowd while protecting his girlfriend’s sister. But he did agree with Anna. Elsa shouldn’t be dealing with anything more than she already was…especially when it involved _herself_ in such a delicate manner.

As much as he was beginning to see Elsa as a real _person_ now, and not a queen, Kristoff was growing to see the ghosts that followed Elsa, whether they were related to her past or her position. She was still scared of herself, that much was obvious. Maybe it was easier for Kristoff to notice because that was how she was when he first met her, but even now he sensed her fear in many of his observed interactions of her. 

He didn’t discuss what he saw with Anna much; he knew she already worried enough about it. But Kristoff saw the way Elsa’s hands clenched into fists when a noise startled her, her shoulders climbing to her ears, or the way her chest seemed to rise and fall more deeply, heavily, when she was approached by someone she wasn’t expecting to speak to- as if she was vigilantly controlling her breathing.

He noticed as her cheekbones seemed to stand out more during stressful, hectic times, then plump out slightly again when the work had lessened enough that she allowed herself time to eat. He watched the brightness and glee in her eyes when teasing Anna, yet the shadowing under them on the nights that he heard faint cries from the room a few doors down.

Despite these things he observed, Kristoff knew that Elsa was capable of dealing with whatever situation was thrown at her. She had always impressed him- he knew she had to deal with an excruciating amount of work and stress on top of all that she had to contend with beneath her skin. But everyone had their limits, and Kristoff had no desire to see Elsa reach hers again.

Kristoff shook his head at Anna, eyes closed briefly. “I don’t know what to tell you to do.” Anna sighed at his lack of a solution. “But,” he began, Anna looked excitedly up to him again, “I think that it’d be best to find some way for _us_ to deal with this instead.”

Anna nodded solemnly, her decision made. She turned back to Kai. “Okay, so we don’t tell her,” she said. “So now…wait!” She showed her back to Kristoff, twisting her head back to see him- “tie me up!” She nearly ordered. Kristoff jumped, surprised, and began tying up the back of her dress as she spoke.

“Let’s see…Kai, get the captain of the guard, the treasurer and the agriculturist. Let’s all meet in the small conference room in fifteen minutes.”

* * *

 

It was the end of the small, impromptu meeting. Actions had been deliberated on, outcomes discussed and decisions made. The small mob would be asked to select a few representatives to speak on their behalf. The remainder would be sent home with the guidance of the kingdom’s agriculturist-who would attempt to educate the people on the true cause of the pestilence- while their delegation spoke with the representatives of Arendelle- the captain of the guard, Kai, and Anna- those who would not leak what had happened to the queen. They would solve the remaining issue from there.

But they knew one thing for certain; had all come to the same conclusion. Anna spoke the words. “We can’t tell Elsa.”


	2. Chapter 2

Elsa was getting antsy. The meeting with her council had been going on for more than two hours now, and she felt as though they had accomplished very little. She was dying to just get up and stretch out her legs a bit, her back, and she could feel the stirrings of her magic within her from her annoyance at their pace.

She took a deep breath, closing her eyes for just a moment to try to calm herself. She breathed out through pursed lips. They were almost done- only a few more issues to cover remaining.

Once it was decided that they would all look into the benefits and drawbacks of expanding the fishing trade into other territories, Elsa broached the next topic on her list- education.

Though she was as distant as one could be from the issue, she had grown up knowing that in the poorer farming provinces, oftentimes the children there lacked a proper schooling, due to the fact that they were frequently held back from tutelage in order to help out their family in the fields to earn a living. Consequently, these children, who of course would grow to become young adults and then elders themselves, were uneducated and underprivileged. Recognizing their difficulties and the injustice, Elsa wanted to look into options to increase the budgets available to the farming regions so that the children could attend school regularly and enter other professions later in life, should they so desire.

The topic was hotly debated, as was everything. Elsa sighed inwardly and tried to remind herself that at least this discussion could lead to a potential improvement in quality of life for these groups. Some agreed that all jurisdictions should have equal opportunity, while others argued that there had to be some sort of hierarchy for the kingdom to prosper.

Amund, the societal expert and representative of the group, nodded wholeheartedly after Elsa made another point. “Indeed, your Majesty,” he began. “As long as we could increase the farmers’ funding, providing more opportunity for education to this social class could allow the kingdom to advance other trades even further and would benefit everyone.”

He continued. “Besides, I think we all can agree that improving their education system is simply a good plan in general, especially considering…recent events.” He trailed off, sheepish and blushing at the vague mention.

Elsa looked around at the other faces at the table, confused. Those that were in agreement with the idea nodded timidly, lips pressed together, while those that had expressed dissent looked torn between their previous thoughts and the point just made. Regardless of the side they had taken, Elsa noticed that every man seemed to find everything in the room very interesting as they avoided any eye contact with her whatsoever. Her stomach dropped and her heart skipped a beat. She paled visibly, pressing her lips together tightly, brow knotted in confusion. She knew that she didn’t read social cues as well as most others, but even she knew in the pit of her stomach that something was going on at this table. She just didn’t know what, exactly.

Her breathing suddenly seemed inadequate, shallow, as she felt the icy stirrings of magic swirl within her as her anxiety built. “I’m sorry,” she began, addressing the entire council and trying to steady her voice. “But to which recent events are you referring?”

Amund averted his eyes, glancing at others to see if they would speak up instead. Halstein, a lawyer, made the unfortunate mistake of meeting Amund’s glance and found himself challenged by the other man to speak up.

Halstein swallowed, his adam’s apple bobbing visibly. “Uh, to the, um-” flustered, he cleared his throat to gain time. “-To the farmer’s riot just yesterday, your Majesty.” He reddened, apprehensive to see her reaction to his mention of the troubling event. “Not that, um, not that it was an issue, of course- you had it handled very quickly and efficiently.”

Suddenly Elsa could only hear her pulse in her ears as her heart beat with increasing urgency. She tried to stay focused and not let her anxiety pull her away from the present. But was that a trace of anger bubbling up as well? The sudden flare of heat lodged in her chest, burning. **_What_** _had happened and why had **no one** told her about it?!_

She swallowed deeply, trying to force her heart back down her throat. She breathed in through her nose, once, pushing the feeling of dread down with the chilly air.

“I’m sorry,” Elsa began, “but it seems as though I have been misinformed.” She realized what she had said, shook her head. “Uninformed,” she corrected, huffing out the shameful word. _Why?_ She thought again. _Do people not trust me to take care of things? Have I done **that** poorly? _She felt tears begin to well up behind the corners of her eyes and her nose begin to prickle. She sniffed, forcing the feelings of shame away with her words. _Ignore it. **Deal** with it. _She directed her gaze to the corner of the room, away from the surprised, questioning looks that she knew she was receiving, the surprised glances the men shot at each other. She was a little girl to them. An uneducated, unprepared fool. A nothing.

She folded her hands in her lap, glanced around at the members at the table. _Dignity, Elsa. Retain it._ “Could someone, please, bring me up to date on yesterday’s events, then, as it seems I have been left in the dark?”

_Maybe I can still do something about it,_ she thought. _Or at the very least, find out who thought it fitting to exclude me from knowledge of these events. Recovery in the public eye **is** possible. Try to be optimistic. _

Surprisingly, the treasurer spoke almost eagerly. He sensed the young queen’s anxiety over her ignorance of yesterday’s troubling incident. He just hoped she could stomach the truth of what had happened. Already, he sensed a slight chill in the air- it smelled like that of the first snow of the year- fresh and sharp. But moreover, he saw the slight hunch of her shoulders, how she drew them in slightly closer. He saw her expression tighten and her chest heave as she took in deepening breaths in order to calm her nerves. And her hands, always either clasped or at least visible on top of the redwood table, were now hidden underneath on her lap. He imagined that she was attempting to hide the bits of ice blooming in the creases around her fingernails. He had seen it before.

“Your Majesty,” he began. “Yesterday afternoon a small crowd of farmers from the southern territories instigated a protest just outside the gates. They had a rough harvest this year- many of their crops died. From what they described, it sounds as though some sort of infection spread throughout many of their fields and left their produce unsuitable for harvesting.” He paused, allowing the queen a moment to process what he had said.

Elsa’s dread was not lessening, however. What had occurred didn’t seem too bad, so far. She knew there was a catch. What was she not being told?

“Alright,” she said. “But how does that lead to them protesting the kingdom? What does a lack of education have to do with this?”

The treasurer continued on. “They weren’t protesting the kingdom of Arendelle, your Majesty,” he explained. “They were protesting you. Your- your magic, specifically. They think you cursed their land.”

All sound seemed to be sucked from the room. Elsa heard only the whooshing of her pulse bounding in her ears, the thrashing of her heart that seemed to have lodged itself in her throat.

Time stood still.

As did the tiny crystalline snowflakes, frozen in midair about the conference room.

The chill seemed to permeate through the councilmen’s bones; they all drawing their arms crossed across their chests, pulling lapels closer together over their exposed necks and straightening long sleeves back over their wrists to keep out the biting cold.

They looked around the small room, awed yet fearful of the suspended flakes, wholly unmoving. Yet all eyes were soon drawn back to the queen at the head of the table- for there _was_ movement there.

Her arms, too, had been drawn tightly across her chest, though her hands didn’t clasp her elbows as the mens’ did. Hers were clamped tightly into fists under her armpits, her chin to her chest and nostrils flared as she breathed in and out deeply, quickly. The stuttering noise of her harsh uneven breaths- the only sound to be heard- was matched by her trembling- shivering, almost, as if from the cold she had created.

_Keep it in. Keep it in, keep it in, keep it in,_ she chanted as a mantra. _Take deep breaths. Hold it back. You can do it._

The cold and wind bit at her insides, fluttering against her ribcage. The magic tried to push itself out of her very pores- she felt her body being stretched against her will, stretched to break open and release. Clenching around herself harder, her eyes shut even tighter, the crease at the top of her nose deepening as she struggled for containment. Her front teeth bit into her upper lip as she struggled, the pain a welcome distraction from inner turmoil.

_It’s okay, you can do this._ Her confidence stabilized, as did the rush of power.

_Think of Anna. What she would say, what would she tell you?_ Elsa thought hard, trying to get her sister’s voice and personality in her head.

_You can do this, Elsa,_ Elsa thought, hearing Anna’s voice. _You got this. I’m here for you._

The room gradually grew warmer, the men freeing their arms and shaking them out, looking around at the others’ reactions. Buttons began to be undone at the neck.

_You know exactly what to do, how this works. And I’m right here, right beside you, and we’ll get through this together._

The petite flakes hanging in the air began a slow descent. The swirling, storming inside her skin calmed, merely floating about and not seeking release. Her throat reopened, and she took a deep breath.

_I love you._

The snowfall disappeared, evaporated back into the warm air. Elsa’s rigid position was loosened, palms coming down to rest on thighs and her back hunched as she breathed deeply, and this time rhythmically, to catch her lost breath.

Her cheeks grew uncomfortably hot. “I’m…I’m so sorry,” she uttered, unable to look any of her councilmen in the eye. “I…I th-think it’s best if we adjourn this meeting early.” She waited, but there were no objections. Of course not. They’d want to leave, to escape before having to witness another of her breakdowns. Didn’t they all know they’d see one sooner or later, after all?

“Thank you for coming.” She dismissed-no, _released_ them with those words, and they each slowly stood up and left. She hardly noticed, trying to get past the embarrassment and shame that was burning in her core, her throat, her fingertips and palms.

But she did take note when the last of the footsteps disappeared, the slow and gentle sound of the door being closed behind where she sat.

And then she brought her elbows and forearms up onto the table, only unladylike in solitude, lowered her head into them and wept.

* * *

 

Kai stood stationed by the end of the hallway, arranging some appointments and meetings in the Queen’s schedule while he waited for the council to end so that he could escort her to her next engagement. He saw motion out of the corner of his eye, and turned to look. _Was that…Amund?_ Kai wondered. _And…Halstein? What?! But wasn’t the meeting still scheduled for…_ his thoughts halted, realization hitting him as he saw the remainder of the councilmen leaving the castle, speaking quietly amongst themselves, heads together. _Something has happened._ Kai began a brisk walk back up to the conference room, where two hours ago he had announced the arrival of the queen and therefore the official commencement of the meeting.

The door to the conference room was closed, but as he pressed his ear up against the wood, Kai thought he could just make out some kind of erratic noises from inside.

He rapped twice. “Your Majesty?”

The sounds stopped, silence reigning for a few seconds. “…I need some time, Kai,” finally came a muffled voice from inside, sounding somewhat like the queen.

Kai placed his hand over the door handle, surprised yet not shocked to find it cold to the touch. He thought hard, but decided it best to obey her wishes and leave her be for some time. He began to walk away, planning to return later to see to it that the queen was alright. He had work he could do in the meantime.

A few steps from the door, he suddenly heard a fumbling from the same room, a slight creak as the door actually opened.

Queen Elsa peered around the doorframe, looking relieved to find Kai still close by. Kai’s heart fell- Elsa’s eyes were reddened and a bit puffy, her nose and cheeks flushed as well. He looked down momentarily at her fingers, incessantly plucking and twisting at the fabric of her skirts.

“Kai- wait.” She sniffed, and he saw her attempt to straighten herself and control the wavering in her voice. “Please, assemble all key staff to the public meeting room in an hour. There’s something we all need to discuss.”


	3. Chapter 3

Anyone of some significance in the castle staff gathered in the great hall. An eerie aura of nervousness and anticipation lingered in the room. People spoke in hurried whispers, traces of conversations and concerned discussions carried in the still air. An impromptu meeting such as this had never been called before, especially with no hinting at a reason. The queen had ordered a meeting with all key staff- well, it couldn’t be for something good, could it? Especially considering the riotous events of yesterday…

Everyone stood around in groups in the large hall, unconsciously segregating themselves by profession. There was no sign of the queen yet, so they remained standing- no seats had been placed- and waiting. So no one noticed when Princess Anna, along with Kristoff and Kai, crept into the room by the back, hidden by the masses in front of them.

They too, waited nervously, probably even more so than the staff- for there was no reason for this meeting if Elsa had not discovered their secret. And if she somehow had… well, there was no reason to suspect that Elsa would be any less thorough or conscientious in getting to the bottom of this matter than any other.

Finally, Elsa entered into the hall- as poised and regal-looking as ever, but with a manner of anxiety that Anna suspected only she would have the acuity to detect.

The hall quieted, whispers and mutterings ceasing, as everyone in attendance waited to hear the queen speak.

Elsa took a deep, gulping breath. Anna saw her fingers twining, twisting in front of her waist.

“Thank you for all meeting me here,” Elsa began. Her eyes scanned the room, noting those who were gathered. She realized, somewhat nervously and ashamedly, that she knew the names, let alone the stories, of extremely few of them.

She swallowed, clasping her hands in front to still them. “It has recently come to my attention that an event occurred yesterday…a protest, to be exact. A protest that I was not made aware of until earlier this afternoon.”

She paused at the sudden, universal widening of eyes, shared glances at this news around the room. The staff seemed shocked by her words, for sure. But anyone could be acting; hiding. She of all people knew that secrets could be kept hidden.

She continued. “I am sure some of you know to what event I am referring, while others do not. Regardless, for those of you that do…” She trailed off- unsure of herself, Anna knew, and her heart fell. Elsa clearly was drowning, smothered, even, in self-doubt and insecurity. Anna heard the slight wavering in her voice, the barely perceptible hunch in her shoulders. Elsa was doubting every element of herself, all over again. And all because of Anna’s decision.

“…I need you all to know that withholding information, especially information as pertinent as this, from your Queen, is something that I should never have to come to you about. I-I…” she stuttered, upset. “-I don’t know what opinions you hold of me, as a person, as a Queen, as a worker of this kingdom. And I’m sorry if what I’ve shown has led you to believe that it would behoove the kingdom to not enlighten me about such events.” Her face hardened, her stance secure, as she felt the shame grow to light anger and resentment. “But no matter your opinion of me, it is vital that I remain informed.”

She finished quickly, eager to leave the many watching eyes, warm bodies and the situation. “Should any of you know who it was that deemed it proper to leave me in the dark, please come to me at once. It would mean…” she struggled for a breath. “It would mean a lot. Thank you.”

With that, she nodded curtly once to the room, gathered her skirts and left, head held high.

Upon the Queen’s exit, the room buzzed, everyone turning to their peers to discuss what had just been revealed to them. It was clear that many of the staff felt concerned, betrayed, and even perhaps a bit fearful that one of their own had hidden this knowledge. Each worker knew that he or she, at least, had simply assumed that someone of more note had already informed the Queen of yesterday’s troubling occurrence.

No one was more disquieted, however, than the small group still hidden at the back of the hall. Anna, Kai and Kristoff realized that their decision, made specifically to ease Elsa’s mind, had done quite the opposite- and could, in fact, prove to be a major setback in light of all her recent progress.

By some unspoken gesture, a flick of the head, the three conspirators moved to a more private room.

“I feel _awful_ ,” Anna moaned, sighing in regret and relief as she closed the door behind her, learning back and sagging against it. “All I wanted to do was help her- stop her from feeling guilty and unwanted again- because you _know_ she would, when she heard about it-” Anna wagged a finger at the men as she spoke excitedly. “But now- god, did you _see_ her?! She looked so…so…dejected!” She sagged once more, placing a hand on her forehead. “And it’s all my fault.”

“Anna,” Kristoff began, stepping up to her. “It’s not all your fault. Kai brought it to us, and you and I both agreed on what to do- together.”

“No,” Anna said roughly. “No.” She shook her head. “It was me, ultimately. My decision. My fault. I have to go talk to her.”

“You sound a lot less unsure of yourself than the last time you told me that,” Kristoff added in with a smirk. He imitated his girlfriend, putting on airs- haughtily raising his head and straightening his shoulders. _“I am going to talk to my sister!”_

“Stop that!” Anna snapped, whacking Kristoff in the arm with the back of her hand. “This is serious. She’s hurt.”

“I know.” Kristoff sobered. He scratched behind his neck. “So…”

“So-” Anna said, resolutely. “I’m gonna go talk to my sister.” She walked stately out the door.

“Good luck,” Kristoff and Kai called in unison, looking at one another.

\------------

Elsa raised her head from where it was cradled in her hands upon hearing a barely-audible knock at the door to her study.

She felt her heart plummet into her stomach. Her limbs began their trembling, and she gasped lightly, holding out her hands to see them shaking. There was only one reason someone would knock like that. Whoever was on the other side of that door must be the one who chose to withhold the riotous event from her. The person who thought her not worthy of being informed.

“Come in,” she called weakly, cringing from the obvious waver in her voice. _That’s certainly not going to help their opinion of me._

Was she ready to see who was on the other side of the door? She had tried to eke out a plan for her course of action, should the perpetrator confess. She had thought about it incessantly ever since the event had been revealed to her. But she was no closer to finding an answer to how she should react than before. _And when had she ever been confident in her knowledge of how to properly react, for that matter?_

But it didn’t matter anymore, now- the handle was turning, the door opening.

Anna’s fingers shook, and she struggled to retain her grip to turn the door handle. She couldn’t believe how nervous she was- she felt like she was a young teenager, again, waiting outside of her elder sister’s door after knocking, hoping for any kind of response.

She had no idea how Elsa would react to what she was about to reveal- and that was scary because Elsa’s reactions were always quite predictable. This would be a surprise to Anna, no matter what happened.

But upon entering her sister’s study, it was clear to Anna that Elsa’s surprise was far greater from her own appearance through the doorway. Elsa’s eyes went as wide as Anna thought they could possibly go, her eyebrows shooting to the tips of her bangs, her lips parted slightly in shock. Her hands, raised just inches above her desk in preparation to stand, hovered, stilled in midair.

_“Anna?”_ She questioned. “What are you doing here?”

“What?” Anna began to joke, attempting to offset her nervousness and Elsa’s palpable tension. “Am I not allowed to be here?”

Elsa’s face fell in embarrassment by her words, and Anna immediately regretted her statement. _She’s already upset enough, Anna,_ she thought- _can’t you go easy on her, just for once? **Isn’t that what you were trying to do in the first place?**_

“I’m sorry,” Elsa began. “It’s just that I assumed that whoever came by next would b-be…” she stammered, flustered, realizing that _she_ had never told _Anna_ what happened- any of it!

“Wait.” She tried again, palms facing out as if to stop Anna. “I never told you. D-do you know of the riot that happened yesterday?”

“About that…” Anna trailed off, wringing her hands. _Just spit it out. This is even harder on her than it is on you._

“Do you know who hid it from me?” Elsa nearly jumped out of her seat in anxiety-ridden eagerness to know. “Anna?” She questioned again, noting her sister’s spacey look, clearly somewhere off in her own mind.

“Sorry,” Anna shook her head. “No, I-well-yeah, but-” she cut herself off. “Wait.” She took a breath. “Elsa, you know I love you, right?”

“What?” Elsa’s eyebrows drew together, now concerned and confused about where this was all going.

Anna was a pure bundle of nerves now, all nervous energy.

“Look, can we- can we talk about something?”

Elsa clasped her hands to her chest, biting down on her lower lip. “Anna, what is this about? Please just tell me.”

“Okay.” Anna held out her hands in a placating gesture. “Elsa, you’ve been- you’ve been doing amazing ever since you became Queen and learned to control your powers.”

Elsa blushed- she became embarrassed with this topic of conversation, yet was flattered to know her sister, whose opinions she valued over all others, thought she was doing so well. “Thank you?”

Anna continued on. _Make her understand why you did what you did. Let her see it from your point of view._ “I’ve never seen you look so- so _happy._ You’re confident when you speak to people, you accept all my hugs and touches-” she chuckled- “and I know that’s a lot- and the kingdom’s doing really well with you as its leader.” She smiled now, genuine. “I know Papa would be proud.”

Elsa’s flushed expression blanched now at the mention. She was still flattered, yes, but she was detecting an undercurrent of something negative about to surface in her sister’s words.

Anna’s wide smile fell, her fingers picking up their twisting once again. “But I know that it’s still not easy. That there’s things that you still struggle with- that anyone in your position would struggle with!” She hastened to explain at Elsa’s shadowed expression. “Hold on, let me explain.” She took another breath, fighting on. “You’re under a crazy amount of stress and have so much to deal with. And I know you-you’re trying to do it all on your own, telling yourself it’s your responsibility and that you can handle it.”

She chanced a look at Elsa- who stood looking like she was warring with herself physically as well as mentally. It was clear from her expression that she did not like where her sister’s words were headed, did not like this topic of conversation- and wanted it changed- _now._ But Anna knew it all had to be said, in order to make her understand. So she kept going.

“And you’re still getting used to dealing with people, with having them know about you, and your powers. And I can tell that sometimes you’re upset or worried about it, worried about hurting people still, even though _I know_ you won’t. And you’re always working so hard, and not letting yourself eat enough or sleep enough, and-”

“ ** _Anna._** ” Elsa’s face was bright red now, her lips pressed firmly together. Her hands, once I twisting and twining fingers that matched her sister’s as she fretted, were now clenched in fists by her sides.

_Oh god, am I just hurting her more now? But she has to see, has to know why…_

“I’m already quite aware of my unending list of failings,” Elsa started. “As much as I love hearing all my obvious anxieties, insecurities and inadequacies laid out before me- What. Are. You. Getting. At?!” Elsa’s thumb and forefinger were pinched together, pointedly thrust towards Anna with each word of her question.

“Okay, okay!” Anna took a deep breath, bracing herself for her sister’s reaction. “This is all why- that is, because I _know_ you’re going through so much already- why I had the truth about the riot hidden from you.”

The temperature plummeted sharply- Anna could see her breath, and drew her arms in close to keep in the warmth. She looked up, unsurprised, if she had to admit it, to see tiny snowflakes dotting the room.

Elsa physically staggered backwards, as if her sister’s words had struck her. “You did _what?!”_ She whispered, hands once again clasped at her chest.

“I’m sorry,” Anna tried, “but you weren’t supposed to find out, so you wouldn’t feel bad-“

“ _Feel bad?!”_ Elsa exclaimed. _“Anna,”_ she stressed, “feeling bad is one thing- but do you have any idea how bad this now looks for me? For my reputation? And not just for me, but for the kingdom!”

The wind picked up, the snow beginning to swirl a bit as it descended.

Anna glanced around the room. It would be hard to make her sister see her reasoning if she were even just a bit panicked. “Elsa, why don’t we talk about this in a bit, once you’ve had some time to calm down?”

Elsa’s response was a sharp gust of wind against Anna’s now-shivering form. “Calm down?! What, did you expect me to thank you for telling me the truth and be forever grateful for your foresight?! Anna- you clearly don’t grasp the fact that by your actions, you’ve singlehandedly derailed my already- precarious reputation- now what will people think, now that they think that not even the castle staff can trust  their own Queen with such vital information? _Don’t you realize how much of a mountain I have ahead of me to get people to trust me- **the top of which will likely never be reached?!”**_

The wind whipped and swirled. Elsa’s hair had mostly flown out of its bun against her neck and was now prey to the violent winds. Her eyes were frantic and wild, her teeth bared as she spoke, gesturing sharply to demonstrate her points. She seemed to have no desire, for once, to control the magic that was pouring out of her- or perhaps it _was_ entirely under her control if she was so sure of her emotions and anger.

Anna hung her head. _She’s not getting why I did it._ Her arms were wrapped around her tightly, as her skirts flapped and ought against the winds. At first feeling guilty, Ana suddenly felt her shame into anger to match her sister’s. _She’s not even trying to see my point- that I did it to help **her!**_

 Her hands went into fists by her sides, her eyes narrowing.

“You know, Elsa, I was just trying to protect you!”

“Protect me?!” Elsa drew up straight at that. “No, that’s not protecting me- that’s foolishly taking matters that you clearly don’t understand into your own hands and _hiding_ them from me!”

_Fine- see if I try to help you again- clearly you’re the only one who’s allowed to make mistakes around here, Elsa,_ Anna thought, fuming at Elsa’s close-mindedness

“Well, _excuse me_ if I’ve learned to follow by example- I mean, I _can’t possibly imagine_ where I would’ve gotten the idea to try to protect someone by hiding something!” She paused, thinking. “Oh, wait! You’re right, that _was_ stupid of me- shouldn’t I have realized by now that hiding things to ‘protect people-’” (here she made quotation with her fingers in the air) “only makes a mess of things? I mean, isn’t it enough that one of us did that already?!”

The wind ceased in the blink of an eye, Anna’s skirts falling against her legs. Despite the seeming calmness of the still air, the sudden silence was eerie, and the temperature in the room dropped precipitously, ice beginning to form and crackle along the floorboards and the corners of the walls in threatening -looking branches and stalagmites.

Anna’s arms wrapped tightly around her torso once more, trying to keep in what little warmth she had left. Just in front of her, Elsa’s form matched her nearly exactly- just for a different reason. Her shoulders were slightly raised and hunched forward as well, her expression dark yet scared.

“That not the same,” she uttered, low and rasping. “You _know_ why I did what I did- maybe it hurt other things in the process- but it kept you _safe._ ” Her grip on her arms seemed to grow even tighter and she took slow yet steady retreating steps back into the room.

Anna sneered. “Maybe physically safe, sure- but what kind of life was that? At least _I_ was just trying to let _you_ live and enjoy yours with what I did!”

“It’s not the same,” Elsa repeated adamantly, as if trying to convince herself.

“It is.” Anna stated, serious. She tried to stop her teeth from chattering but failed. “You’re just blinding yourself from the truth because you can’t handle it.”

Elsa squeezed her eyes shut, arms still tight and steps still withdrawing into the study. She shook her head. “You don’t understand. You don’t know what you’ve done.”

Anna just narrowed her eyes, refusing to say anything more. Elsa was just being stubborn and scared, unwilling to face the truth…right? Anna realized she didn’t know anymore.

She didn’t know where to go from here, what else to say. Her anger had faded, leaving confusion in its wake after their confrontation. There was clearly no convincing her sister, who stood looking confused as well, and forlorn. “Elsa?” Anna questioned.

“Anna, I-” she stammered, “I-I th-think you should go.”

“But-”

“Just go.”

Anna walked out of the study. There was nothing more to say. She knew why she had done what she did. But would Elsa?


	4. Chapter 4

The entire castle was cold that night.

Staff put on extra layers, clothing removed from drawers not meant to be opened for a few more months when winter came. The kitchens changed the menu from cold fish and accompaniments to a hearty and warm stew.

News of the impromptu meeting earlier had spread, and all those experiencing the chill assumed that the frigid air was a result of the Queen's disappointment in her staff. Only three knew the truth- that a heart-wrenching, soul-shattering argument with her sister had stirred up a storm within the Queen that she could not completely keep inside.

Elsa was grateful that her meetings for the day were over so that she could remain in solitude as she struggled to grapple with her emotions, and, consequently, her volatile powers.

Her tears from the past full hour of muffling her cries that wracked her body had dried, leaving her cheeks tight and smarting from where they had frozen against her skin. The misery still clung to her, however, and she had great difficulty feeling or thinking of anything beyond the empty dread growing in her stomach and chest.

She tried to pace, hoping that the movement would distract her from the torment in her mind, but she found herself frozen in place at times, suddenly having stopped without noticing, or stumbling as she strained to make her feet obey her wishes. The despair was wrapped around her, clinging and stiff like icicles on a roof, barring her in with her own prison of dangerous emotions.

 _Anna. It was…it was Anna._ Her face crumpled yet again. _How? Why?!_ On one hand, her sister's revelation had brought relief- eternally anxious about other's perceptions of her, it could almost be seen as divine deliverance that her people had not thought her stupid, incompetent, deceitful enough to leave her in the dark regarding such important matters. _Maybe I can still have a chance with the people. Show them I can do better,_ _ **am**_ _better._

Yet on the other hand, the knowledge that her own _sister_ of all people had deceived her…Elsa had to sit down on her bed at the thought, her legs shaking as if affected by her coursing winds from earlier. Anna- she trusted Anna more than anyone in the world. Anna was her rock. As much as it chilled Elsa to think such a lonely, despondent thought…well, Anna was quite literally her everything- Anna was all that she had. The only one she truly cared about and loved, the only one who returned those sentiments for her. Because the people cared for their Queen, of course, but that favor was distant, no one else knew or loved _her_. She knew that as fact, miserable and lonely as the knowledge was. That love the people had was the love a dog has for its master- the provider, no matter the treatment. Whether she was a good Queen or a terrible one, she could be replaced.

She felt so…so worthless. She could only manage to take gasping breaths feeling such an emotion- such an emotion yet again. She wasn't doing well enough. Hadn't done enough for her people, for her sister. After all, how many times a week did she catch someone, be it staff, councilman or dignitary, take a surreptitious glance at her hands or pull a face when she spoke _(what had she said wrong?)_? How many times had Anna pleaded with her to stop working and spend more time with her? How many times had she broken contact with her sister after mere seconds of a hug or holding hands, seeing Anna's face fall in disappointment but then hasten to mask the expression? How often had she declined going out beyond castle walls, or even having dinner with Anna and Kristoff, because she had felt overwhelmed by all of her required social engagements throughout the day and just needed time to _breathe_ normally?

If she didn't have Anna's faith, Anna's trust and her confidence- then she had nothing. She _was_ nothing. But who was she to have thought otherwise? _You know what you are. So you learned a few tricks in controlling it. But you're still you- that hasn't changed, never will._

She knew that truth all too well, as demonstrated by her breakdown in front of the councilmen at the meeting earlier. As if her sister's betrayal couldn't get any worse, Anna's decision surely shrunk everyone's opinion of herself as Queen even more than the little they must already think of her. _They already see me as a freak of nature- but now I'm an unreliable failure as well._ And of course, she just _had_ to reveal to the entire castle staff that she had been uninformed, when they wouldn't have known otherwise had she not said anything. _Idiot._

Her breakdown at the council meeting was humiliating, looking back on it now. She had taken the news as a child would. Her emotional turmoil upon hearing the news had shaken her so badly that she lost control of her powers in front of some of the most powerful men in the kingdom. And not only that, but upon hearing of the concealed events, she had not been able to carry on and had dismissed them. As a self-centered juvenile with absolutely no control over anything.

Elsa bit down on her lip, hard, trying to bite back tears. She let her head fall to her chest, sniffling, her arms resting on her legs. She swiped at her nose with her wrist as she felt the tears gather and fall there, and felt a brush of metal against her face as she did so.

She looked down, seeing the bracelet that Anna had gifted to her a few weeks ago. Anna had bought one for each of them, identical in every way except for the color of the stone. Elsa had forgotten that she had put it on this morning when getting ready- the morning, when she lived in blissful ignorance, seemed days ago, not merely hours.

Looking down at the cuff, she saw that it hung loosely and had turned so that the clasp was at the top of her wrist rather than the bottom. She was confused at first, remembering that when Anna first gifted it to her it fit perfectly.

Suddenly, Anna's words from earlier replayed in her mind, echoing: _"And you're always working so hard, and not letting yourself eat enough or sleep enough, and…_ _that is, because I know you're going through so much already- why I had the truth about the riot hidden from you."_

Realization bloomed in Elsa's chest, though it did little to calm her nerves. She had been particularly busy and stressed the past two weeks, what with the new tax season starting and negotiations to be made with a brand new trade partner. She _had_ skipped a few meals, she supposed, in order to make more time to finish some work. More than a few. And more than a few hours of sleep as well. But she barely noticed the lack- how would Anna?

 _Because she cares about you- and she_ _ **knows**_ _you,_ Elsa thought. _You lost control when you found out about the riot from the council- how would you have reacted if you were in the middle of something when the guard captain suddenly came to break the news to you?_

She tried to imagine it- to imagine her response to discovering such troubling, sensitive news. News that had ended up being overshadowed by feelings of betrayal from being left in the dark.

What would she have done? She thought about it, hard. And she realized that she would have panicked, feeling attacked and unwanted and dangerous. _Yes, dangerous, once more._ Because if her people thought she was cursing them…well, that was her worst nightmare, hurting people. She didn't want that, but most of all, she wouldn't be able to face the fact that not even her people wanted her, thought so poorly of her as though she were an accursed witch eager to send scourges across the land, an affliction of the kingdom.

She could see it now: _She froze upon hearing the words from the captain. Her eyes widened, eyebrows shooting up, lips parted in shock. Her fingers would begin to tremble, clasping against her chest as she began to back away. "That I did what? Me?" She realized, seconds later, that she wasn't getting in any air and struggled to take a breath. Gasping, sputtering- where was the air? The guard appeared concerned, his face compassionate and startled, his arm reaching out to her, but everything appeared hazy, wavering, as if from some dream at a great distance. Elsa didn't know if she was standing or swimming or swaying. But whatever was happening physically, she now knew the truth- what she had suspected would happen all along. Her people had turned against her, hated her, knew her to be cursed and inherently a monster despite her attempts to good. Why must it be this way? Why can't I be_ _ **good**_ _and_ _ **wanted?**_ _Just once. Just once. Her head still swimming and legs still shaking, she turned from the guard and ran. From the news, from the kingdom, from their hatred. From Anna._

Coming back to the present, Elsa narrowed her eyes as she thought about the alternative to finding out that terrible news. Was Anna right to hide the riot from her, then? Did she know how Elsa would have reacted? That she would have panicked? _Or regressed,_ Elsa had to admit. _If I didn't know as I do now that the riot was controlled and taken care of…I don't know how I would have responded._

It wasn't the riot itself that bothered her- it was what the people were riot _ing-_ her. Just the thought of it made her feel nauseated and shaky, weak. She hated feeling this way; had felt this way for much of her life in her secluded self-hatred. She wouldn't be able to do any work in this state for the kingdom, let alone have an appetite to eat or be able to even consider falling asleep. Is this what Anna wanted to protect her from?

Maybe she needed to get some more answers. Maybe Anna had helped her in her own way, though her actions had also hurt. Maybe this time she would listen to what her sister had to say.

* * *

"Anna? _What happened?!_ "

Kristoff jumped off of Anna's bed where he had been waiting for her with his head in his hands.

Upon entering through the doorway to her bedroom, Anna's arms immediately went back to hold herself tightly, though from an internal chill or out of emotional turmoil Kristoff wasn't sure. Anna's hair was frazzled, looking as though harsh winds had been blowing it around. And was that… _ice_ encrusting her skirts!? But he had to admit to himself that he hadn't ruled out the possibility of this happening. He of all people knew that Elsa didn't react well to confrontation.

Anna looked miserable. She refused to meet Kristoff's eyes as she walked past him to sit on the corner of her bed. Her arms remained wrapped around herself, and she moved her hands up and down across her upper arms as if to warm herself. She sniffled every few seconds and simply shook her head in response.

" _Anna?"_ Kristoff came to meet Anna on the bed, sitting down next to her and placing his large, warm palms on her arms. Okay, yes, that was ice on her clothing.

" _Please,_ " he said. "Tell me what happened. Are you okay?" He lifted her chin up with a hand so that her face was level with his own.

Anna seemed to struggle for a breath, her words shaky. "She said that I don't realize what I've done. That it was stupid. That it made her look bad." Her voice cracked as she continued to speak. "She won't even _try_ to see that I did it to help her. Like she won't even consider what would have happened and what she would have done if someone else told her first when it happened!"

She started to cry- heavy, wet sobs that shook her body. Kristoff's heart sank- he hated seeing Anna so upset. Especially over Elsa. The two of them had had a lifetime of crying over each other. Wasn't that enough?

"So how did it end? What now?" He asked.

 _"I don't know!"_ Anna exclaimed. "I made her mad. I- I brought up the past, how she hid things from me and how it was the same as what I did- to protect her." She sighed, the tears now slowing but dripping down her cheeks. "She told me to leave, then. That it wasn't the same. And it's not. I know it's not. But I was mad. She won't even _try_ to see why I did what I did!"

"I'm sorry," Kristoff said, at a loss for words. He was shocked to see that Anna clammed up after so short of an explanation as to what happened. He had expected a long rant based on her appearance. "What can I do?" He grasped her hand tightly to show his support.

"Nothing," she responded, continuing to sniff and hang her head. She squeezed his hand in return. Her next words were nearly a whisper, spoken with the shameful lilt of a young child admitting to fault. _"Well…maybe to tell me that this didn't all happen because I was being stupid and selfish?"_

"Selfish?" Kristoff was confused. He drew back to look at her but kept his hand around hers. "How is what you did selfish? You did it to help her!"

"Anna," he began, seriously, once again moving her head to meet his gaze. "We both know how she would have reacted. How she may _still_ react. It would've been too much for her to face." He cupped her cheek tenderly. "Babe, you know that. You were trying to help. And probably did. You know how she gets when she feels judged or overwhelmed with her powers, and this would've been too much. You were just trying to help her. And if she can't see that…well then she's going to have to realize it eventually."

There was a moment of silence. Kristoff could see the gears turning in Anna's head, thinking some through and wondering if she should say anything about it. "Anna?" He asked again, prompting her.

"But…" Anna's voice trembled, hesitant. "What if what I did…what I decided…to hide it from her…what if it wasn't for her, but for me?"

"What?" Kristoff was confused once more. "How could that be for you? What do you mean?"

Anna was silent for a long minute, for once, Kristoff realized, thinking before she spoke. It seemed as though she had tired of giving thoughtless outbursts for the night. She twined her fingers together constantly, beginning to form words then falling silent once more.

Finally, she seemed to settle on her words and looked at him to answer.

"I care about her feelings, of course. I can't stand seeing her upset or nervous, and I just want to help and protect her. But…" Anna sighed, looking down again. "But there it is again- that's all about me, how _I_ feel about _her_." Her shoulders sagged as she met Kristoff's eyes with a steady, honest gaze.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I chose to hide the riot from her not because I didn't want her to feel like she had to run and hide again, but because _I_ didn't want her to run and hide again. Because…because…" Anna's voiced cracked suddenly, and she hunched forward, her face in her hands as she struggled to speak between sobs.

"I can't take that again. I can't. I just can't." Anna's breaths were ragged, her eyes and nose now running freely with her tears. Kristoff's eyes widened in surprise and he rushed to put his arms around her, making shushing noises in her ear to calm her.

"It's okay. It's okay," Kristoff soothed, rubbing her back. "You did what you felt you had to."

Anna nodded, wiping her nose. "After all these years…I finally have her back. I feel like I finally have my _life_ back!" She exclaimed, tears drying. "Growing up, I was always alone. Deep down I guess…I guess I knew that _something_ was going on with her, even though no one would tell me _what._ But I saw it more as her having a problem with me, of not wanting to have anything to do with me. And I had no one, Kristoff- _no one._ No one was there for me because they _wanted_ to be- my parents, when they were alive, the staff- they were there because they _had_ to. I felt useless, worthless, like I was just getting on day by day instead of actually _living!_ "

Her hands clung to his arms, squeezing tightly as she recounted what she had gone through. Her words were rushed, trying to get all the pain and anguish from the past out in quick breaths.

"Getting her back was the best thing that ever happened to me- I _needed_ that to actually _live."_ She stopped suddenly, realizing what she was leaving out. "I mean, of course having you would have helped me to feel like I was living again," she hastily tried to explain. "I mean, my life wouldn't mean much now without you either! But-"

"Anna," Kristoff chuckled. "Don't worry about me. I know what you mean. Even if we had each other, but Elsa wasn't there…you wouldn't be the same. You need each other."

"Yes." Anna sighed at Kristoff's understanding of her explanation. "So that's really why I did it. Because I couldn't take it if I lost her again."

Kristoff nodded. "And that seemed like a distinct possibility. I know. Your sister…Elsa is incredibly strong in some ways, but incredibly weak in others. I don't know if she would've taken to the challenge of being judged so harshly or if she would have hid herself away for a time. But I don't blame you- after what you've been through, I wouldn't be willing to find out just in case."

He cupped a hand around her cheek, bringing her to look at him once more. "But maybe this is something you need to be telling _her_ , and not _me._ Maybe that will help her to understand where you're coming from- that you did it not because you don't trust her decision-making, but because you're afraid of losing her again."

Anna frowned, wriggling a bit on the bed as she struggled with the thought. "Telling her that might make it even worse," she pointed out. "Telling her that I think she'll run away from me again? That she can't handle life outside her door?" She snorted. "Psh, yeah that'll go over real well."

Kristoff thought. "Maybe," he said, "but it's the honest truth. And since hiding the truth is what you _both_ have done…well, maybe it's time to be honest with each other." He gave her hand a squeeze. "I know you can do it."

Anna closed her eyes, breathing slowly in and out while considering what Kristoff had just suggested. "Maybe you're right," she finally responded. "After all, how could the truth make this worse than an entirely-frozen kingdom?" She cocked a wry smile. "After that, what's the worst that could happen?" She sobered, nodding at her decision. "Maybe it is time for some truth between us."


	5. Chapter 5

Elsa waited a few hours before going to find Anna.

She needed to give Anna time to cool down, she knew- and time for herself to warm back up.

Elsa knew that she didn't take well to confrontation, to being forced to face her guilt again- and she sincerely hoped that she hadn't said anything too harsh or closed a door to communication once again.

Anna had potentially harmed Elsa's reputation- it was true, though unintentional. Elsa, of course, had been expected to know about the matter of the farmer's protest at the council meeting- and yet she had been clueless. How could a Queen not know if there was a riot in the kingdom- especially if they were rioting over her?!

And yet, Elsa had to admit, having had hours to think it over, that Anna, unfortunately, may have been right to hide it from her. She was still so…so _sensitive_ to how people perceived her. Would that feeling never end - her twisting, painful self-consciousness? Perhaps it was because that was all she had, growing up as she did- her father's pride to look forward to. Being told she was a good girl, had done a good thing by holding in her powers, by hiding. Even now she still valued how people saw her, as much as she hated how her self-worth was placed on others' shoulders. She wasn't sure if she would ever feel confident enough in herself to not care about how others perceived her.

Yes, if she had been the first to be told about the incident, well, there probably would have been _another_ incident- one caused by Elsa herself.

Anna, too, found herself giving her sister some time before running after her once more. Despite Anna's urgency to find Elsa _right now,_ she _had_ to fix this, _now-_ she knew that Elsa would need time. Her sister had great difficulty processing and understanding her own emotions, Anna knew, and a couple of hours would hopefully be enough time to settle her mind and her powers and have another, hopefully more peaceful, talk.

Kristoff had given Anna great insight into her dilemma. Anna hadn't been able to explain to Elsa the true reason for her deception before. Maybe this time she could make her sister understand.

To be honest, though, Anna still wasn't sure if she had done the right thing. She had _lied_ to Elsa- and Anna _hated_ lying. Lying, after all, was what her parents and sister had done to her all her life. One big, enormous lie after another. That her sister was sick. That her sister was busy. " _Elsa has to study to be the Queen, Anna. Just let her be."_

So maybe Elsa had a right to be so upset with her – Anna had shown her that she didn't trust her judgment and actions. She might as well have told Elsa to her face " _I don't trust you to control your emotions and powers."_ And Anna's heart sank at that last realization.

She had let Elsa down so, _so_ hard. Because Elsa didn't have faith that she could control her emotions and powers- only Anna did. Elsa needed Anna to give her the confidence that she could be in control. It was Anna's goal to be there to be for her sister, to give her the emotional support she lacked for the majority of her life. And she had failed.

At the door to Elsa's study, Anna placed her hand on the doorknob, testing the waters. It wasn't ice cold to the touch anymore. _Thank heavens._

Just as she was about to turn the knob, it turned _itself_ beneath her hand and Anna cried out, backpedaling in shock.

" _Anna?"_ Elsa's eyes widened in surprise in the doorway. "What are you doing here?"

"Coming to find you," Anna responded. "Can we talk?" She wrung her hands in front of her- a nervous habit she had recently picked up from her sister.

Elsa's eyes softened. "Actually," she started, "I was just coming to find you to ask you the same. Why don't you come in?"

They sat down, facing each other.

"Elsa-"

"Anna-" They began at the same time.

Elsa gestured for Anna to continue. She lowered her head to gaze at her hands, one palm cupping the other in a fist. She waited for Anna's admonishment. She knew she deserved it.

"Alright." Anna took a deep breath, her teeth chewing on her lower lip. She breathed out. "I'm sorry."

Elsa's head snapped up before Anna could continue. "Wait, Anna, what are you talking about? _I'm_ the one that should be apologizing!"

Anna giggled, relieved. _Maybe this will go better than I thought._ "No you're not, Elsa. Just let me explain."

"I'm sorry I lied to you," Anna began. "I think I knew it was wrong all along, deep down, but I thought I had my reasons. I was worried that if you heard about the riot that you would run away again. That you might lock yourself away again. And Elsa, I am _so, so_ sorry that I lied-" tears began to stream down Anna's cheeks. "But I just couldn't _lose_ you again. I was afraid that if you knew people were saying these terrible, horrible things about you that you wouldn't be able to handle it and run away again, or lock yourself away again."

Elsa swallowed visibly, but allowed her sister to continue without interruption. Her lips began to tremble at the display of her sister's emotion.

"It was selfish, I know now, to do that. And I know that I hurt you. I know that you can handle things better now than you used to. And I'm so proud of you for that. But I screwed up. And I showed you that I didn't trust you and I _hurt you_ and now you must think that I don't think you can _handle_ things and-"

"Anna." A cool hand was placed on her shoulder, suddenly. Anna stopped her rant and looked up into Elsa's clear blue eyes. They didn't look cold and angry, no- they were actually quite warm and forgiving.

"I know you didn't mean to hurt me. And you're right- I probably would _not_ have handled it well if I had found out about the riot right when it happened."

Anna's eyes widened at Elsa's confession.

Elsa looked away, down towards the floor. "You were right." Anna watched Elsa's fingers twine together, in and out, in and out. "I don't think I would have taken the news well. I'm always so scared about what people must think of me. I want them to like me, and I'm trying so hard every day, with all I have. But it just never feels like enough. I feel like I'm always being judged; always saying the wrong thing- or not saying something when I should."

She frowned. "Learning that the people were protesting _me_ … it may have been too much for me to handle at the time, with everything else going on."

Anna shook her head violently. "No, Elsa! I _know_ now that you can handle it. I shouldn't have lied."

"I know you were just trying to protect me. It just would have been better if you had come to me to tell me the truth before I let the _entire_ castle know that someone had slipped the wool over my eyes." Elsa shrugged, her cheeks flushing crimson at the memory. "I understand why you did what you did, Anna. And I forgive you. And I'm sorry I became so upset with you."

Elsa's arms crossed around her middle. "Thank you for trying to protect me Anna. You're always looking out for me. And I'm…I'm not used to someone doing that."

" _Hey now,_ " Anna started, lifting Elsa's chin up so their gazes met. "None of that now. And I'm only trying to protect you as much as you've always tried to protect me." Elsa smiled.

"Can I just ask you one question?" Anna said.

"Alright."

"Why did you change your mind? How did you decide that I actually did do the right thing?"

Elsa held her wrist up, the bracelet she had been wearing sliding down her forearm as she did so. "This."

"The bracelet I got you?" Anna cocked her head to the side, confused at the meaning of the bracelet she had given her sister.

"You said that I'm working too much, and not getting enough sleep or eating enough. I didn't realize it until later when I saw the bracelet was so loose- you were right."

Anna snickered. "I never thought that my gift would be a signal for you to eat more!" She declared. She stood up, suddenly, and grabbed Elsa's wrist and began pulling her out the door.

"C'mon then, let's fix that. I smelled chocolate cake baking on the way up here!"

The sisters grinned at each other and eagerly raced down the hallways, the chocolate dessert just as sweet as forgiveness itself.


End file.
